I'm In Love
My name is Katie Quick and I love Love. Yet, for most of my life, even though I was really good at loving others, I did not love myself. No matter how hard I tried, I was consistently hitting roadblocks that were preventing me from living my best life. I was really good at doubting myself and needing to be validated by others. Rejections, both personally and professionally, knocked me on my ass EVERY SINGLE TIME, and feeling sorry for myself almost always followed. Still, I couldn't understand why I never got signed to that record label, or why my relationships weren't working out, or why I couldn't shake that hauntingly perpetual, underlying loneliness that seemed so familiar. It wasn't until I started doing "the work" (the emotional work, that is), that I began to discover the crucial missing link: Self-Love.
Embarking on this sacred voyage toward Self-Love was no easy feat. In fact, this “sacred voyage” was more like highly emotional globetrotting without a map. It was hard. I got lost. I cried...A LOT. Some days I kicked and screamed and made excuses and ate my feelings. It wasn’t unusual to see my discount area rug from Ross covered in a snowy white bed of crumpled Kleenex. One time, I even stabbed my journal with my pen. Crazy? Maybe. Human? Most definitely.
Turning my attention inward, as terrifying as it was at times, brought me face to face with myself. I started to get curious about all things me: my thoughts, my feelings, my reactions, my motives, my patterns...everything. My therapist told me that when I noticed a thought, I should just let it float away like a cloud. Most days I was like “fuck this crazy cloud thought!” but other days, I was able to momentarily master the concept of non-judgment. I began setting boundaries (mostly butter soft boundaries that easily melted away at the first sign of contempt), but at least I was trying. I began trusting my intuition, starting with things like “Intuition: Do I want pizza or a burrito?” (waits a few seconds...has a non-judgmental thought of an italian floating on a cloud) “Pizza it is!” I moved on to bigger and more important questions over time, but hey, you gotta start somewhere, right? As the years went on, I learned to befriend (and quiet) my Saboteur, the part of myself that was discouraging me from taking risks and keeping me small. And as my Self-Love studies continued, I learned to master the art of emotional regulation, practiced mindfulness, and started seeing failure as an opportunity to learn instead of a reason to quit. I grew to LOVE the work and knew that if I continued on this path of Love, that I would one day I would be surrounded by It.
Today, many years after starting the work, I look back, amazed, proud, courageous, full and ready for all of the gifts that Self-Love bestows. This sacred Love is now part of me. She is my best friend, my most trusted confidant, and by far my most beautiful accessory. She is timeless and classic and brave and smart. She has integrity and makes decisions only from the heart. She is soft. She is strong. She knows what she wants. She is compassionate and understanding and abundant. She is a mother and a goddess and a friend. She is everything you’ve ever known and everything you are yet to discover, all wrapped up into one beautiful, perfectly imperfect package. She is me. And I’m happy to announce that I am finally in love (with myself).
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